Affordable Fashion Blog | Walking in Memphis in High Heels : What I've Learned after 10 Years of Marriage

Thursday, January 12, 2017

What I've Learned after 10 Years of Marriage


Last Friday Shane and I celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary.  It actually ended up snowing that day and almost everything in Memphis was closed.  We had dinner at Owen Brennan's and then slept in the next morning.  It was just perfect.  Ten years may not be much to a lot of people, but to us it is.  It is 3,652 days.  87,658 hours.  4 cities.  2 yorkies.  1 daughter.  It is a lifetime of memories. 

Basic Invite is an online site that offers every kind of invitation card you could ever think of, even anniversary cards.  They are truly custom.  Don't see a card for the event you're having?  You can easily create it.  You can pick the colors, the styles, the fonts, the text, anything.  You can personalize them in almost any way you can think of.  I took a simple wedding invitation card and turned it into the perfect card for anniversary party invitations.  

What I love best about Basic Invite is you can get a sample card for any design.  Customize any card you want and then add it to your cart as a sample.  In just a few days, it'll arrive on your doorstep so you can be 100% sure these are the perfect cards for your event.  If you're getting ready to send out invitations, everything should be just perfect.  Even down to the invitations.  And when you're spending so much time and money on an event, the cards need to be just right because they set the tone for the entire event.  I wouldn't want to order invitations without seeing a sample!

I'm happy to be teaming up with Basic Invite today to not only share my custom anniversary party invitations, but to also share 10 things I've learned after 10 years of marriage.  I am sure we still have A LOT to learn, and we will.  But when people ask me how we have been together for this long (almost 13 years), the below is what I say.  And I'll let you in on  a little secret:  there is no secret.  It's not easy, it's a lot of work, and that's okay.  

1.  Marriage takes work.  It takes A LOT of work.  We always think things like marriage, jobs and motherhood should come easily, but they don't.  They require work.  To succeed at anything, you have to work at it.  Staying in shape, growing in your faith.  Anything that means anything requires work, and marriage is no different. 

2.  You will never agree on everything.  I am one person, and Shane is one person.  We are not going to be on the same page on everything, and that's okay.  It would be boring if we were exactly the same.  But we should at least understand where the other person is coming from even if we don't agree with each other.

3.  Have a life outside of your marriage.  It is so important to me to be Shane's wife and Leighton's mom, but that is not ALL that I am.  Remember who you were.  We all grow and we all change and may not enjoy the same things anymore, but we need to find something that is for only ourselves.  I love Shane, but I need to be me too.  Whether that is hanging out with my girlfriends every couple weeks or taking classes at the gym with friends, it's important for me to be myself and have my own thing that I do without him.  It's easy to get lost in marriage and motherhood, but make sure you carve some time out for yourself to do a hobby you have always enjoyed.

4.  Pick your battles.  There will be fights.  Some will be little, and some will be big.  You cannot always be right, and sometimes you will have to compromise.  Admit when you're wrong.  Choose what really matters most to you, and the others...let them go.  If they don't REALLY matter, then let them be just that- let them not matter.  At the end of the day, who really cares if he forgot to turn the lights off in the living room or fix the toilet seat so you almost fell in??  Life is not that serious.  Don't waste your time on things that don't matter.

5.  Respect, support and lift each other up.  We will be knocked down enough in life, your spouse should be the one to build you up (but also let you know when you need to cut the crap.)  You have to play both roles, and you have to know when to play each one.  I am Shane's number one cheerleader, and he has been mine over the years too.  Without each other, I don't know if either of us would have had the courage to start our own businesses.  

6.  Have day dates and date nights.  After 10 years together, it's easy to forget about dates, and once a kid comes, it's even easier to forget.  But it is SO important to have time alone together to focus on each other and remember why you fell in love in the first place.  Over the last couple of months, Shane and I have been having a day date together once a month, and it has made such a difference.  Day dates were always more our thing than date nights.  We took classes together at the University of Memphis, so between classes we would go eat lunch together or go see a movie together.  So having day dates together just reminds us of those good old days and how they shaped us into who we are together today.

7.  Find a hobby together.  Shortly after Shane and I got married, we started running and riding bikes.  Those are our hobbies we still enjoy doing together.  We love having our own hobbies apart from each other, but it's also important to share a hobby together that is just for the 2 of us. 

8.  Make time for the small things.  Writing a sweet note, bringing home dinner, buying flowers or even giving a little compliment to one another.  The little things still matter.  Especially between long work schedules, bills and toddler tantrums.  Sweet little gestures will show each other that you are still important to them.  The last thing you want is for your spouse to become another thing on your to-do list. 

9.  Turn work off when you walk in the door.  It's hard, especially when you own your own business, but unless you're sharing wins about your day or asking for advice, don't bring home all the stress and negativity with you.  That will just lead you to take things out on each other, and that's the last thing you want to do.  If you need to bring home work, have a designated time for it because it cannot be 24/7.  You have to have time together where you are both unplugged.

10.  Don't be afraid to be boring sometimes.  Sometimes we worry so much about growing old and try to go against the grain.  But, some of the best times we've had together were when we made a pallet on the living room floor and watched movies together and ate pizza.  You don't always have to do something "instagram worthy" every day.  Sometimes it's nice to just be a boring, old, non-exciting couple.  But that's real.  That's what life really is, and there's no one I would rather grow old with. 

How long have you and your spouse been together?  What is your best tip for making it work?


This post is sponsored by Basic Invite, but all opinions remain my own.  Thanks for supporting the brands that support Walking in Memphis in High Heels. 

16 comments:

Fashionista Momma said...

Such a great post Laura and I love your invite! You all are too cute. xo ~ Megan The Fashionista Momma

Valerie T. said...

Love this post! Advice that has worked best for us is to have dates. We try to go on a date every other weekend. Usually movies and lunch/dinner. Even though we try not to talk about work/kids, we always end up talking about the kids lol!

Nataly Schma said...

I love this post! My hubby and I have been married 3.5 years and have learned a lot in such a short period of time. Date nights are key for us and I love just hanging out at home!

xo, Nataly

awhite said...

10 years is amazing, lady! You guys are so cute together, and I love your tips- you have to make time for each other, that's for sure!

-Ashley
Le Stylo Rouge

Maggie said...

Wow!! Congrats on 10 years! Such a wonderful post - everything is so true!

Maggie
www.polishedclosets.com

Taylor Elise said...

Congrats on 10 years, that is so special! Wishing you another happy 10 years :)
http://stopdropandvogue.com

Kim Myers said...

This is such a great post! My husband and I celebrated our third wedding anniversary yesterday and these are all such valid points. Congratulations on 10 years!

xoxo,
Kim
www.champagneistablog.com

Shira said...

Happy anniversary! These are 10 amazing tips.

http://asequinloveaffair.com

Shannon Rice said...

Happy Anniversary! 10 years is a huge milestone! I love that you did anniversary cards like this, such a fun little way to celebrate. And you have such a great outlook on marriage...thanks for sharing!

Shannon
Clothes & Quotes

Lauryncakes | Lauryn Hock said...

This tips are great! I agree with all of them! Especially the date night. Never stop dating your spouse.

xo,
Lauryn
www.lauryncakes.com

Little Tree Vintage said...

i love that you shared this!

Maggie Zemanek said...

I love your photos and advice!! Great tips :)

www.maggiealamode.com

Morgan Flinchum said...

Congratulations on 10 years!! These photos are beautiful!

-Morgan
How 2 Wear It [] http://how2wearit.com

Emily Helm said...

Congrats on 10 years! What a great post!

Marcia Piper said...

Happy Anniversary -- these tips are so relevant and important. And I totally struggle with admitting I'm wrong, ha!

Andrea Darst said...

Happy Anniversary! We just celebrated 12 years married!!